A lot.
A lot of things are on my mind. Like usual.
A few months ago, I was engulfed with dark and negative thoughts. It really felt like I was never going to get out of it. If you ask me, how did I end up in that position? Well, I've been asking myself the same question for... years.
I was internally screaming for help and it was more frustrating when I have no idea what's going on in my head. Everything was a blur. It was really difficult to think clearly. I would get upset (like really upset) at the slightest inconvenience. I knew I needed help but the thought of talking to a stranger seemed very nerve-wrecking to me.
But I eventually did and a kind-hearted soul listened to me talk about my life and thoughts for an hour once a week. I will never forget our last session because after every meeting, my mind got clearer and clearer. I thank God for fating us to meet each other even it was just for awhile.
I guess it's different when you share your life with a complete stranger who doesn't know you hence, is very neutral in their approach. It kind of feels like you're talking to a mirror where things sort of makes sense and the mirror helped to reflect the brightest of lights into my feelings and thoughts to clarity.
Ever since, that little bit of fog somehow disappeared from my head. Everything was falling into place and I am finally able to think for myself.
I realized I wasn't moving forward -
by blaming everyone in my past
for constantly putting everyone else before me
for thinking for everyone else but me
by relying everyone for my happiness.
I always thought that by belittling myself and my capabilities - I was humble to everyone's eyes.
But I was only doing them a favour.
I found my self-worth. Finally. After all these years of burying them under me.
Here's to working more and more towards breaking the bubble.
Breaking your fears.
Breaking free.
B
